Stand Up, Speak Up, and Breathe
by Affectionate-Sinner
Summary: Quiet Lydia is now Head Girl and has been picked on by Draco Malfoy since her 1st year. She refuses to hide in the shadows any longer and stand up for herself, but will the new her only make Draco attracted to her instead? Plz review my story!
1. Prologue

I do not own Harry Potter or any info that may belong to Harry Potter and Teen Titans.

**Prologue**

My heart was racing. I was nervous yet excited. When the sorting hat was placed on my head, I began to think. I thought about why I was there, and why I wanted to be there. At the same time I thought about all the things I had already learned from my previous home which I would not return to for a long time.

"Ravenclaw!" shouted the sorting hat.

I was pleased with its decision. I did consider myself smart but I was not the type to show it off. I slowly stood up and walked towards the Ravenclaw table. I could here the cheers saying, "Lydia!" That's my name by the way. Lydia Fayth Avalon, and this was going to be my 1st year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

When I was seated I heard the name Draco Malfoy called out. I looked up and saw a pale boy with silver-blonde hair walk up to the stool to be sorted. I looked at him and immediately I disliked him. I'm sure that was snotty of me but his body language automatically told me that he thought that he was better than everyone else here. He was so scrawny and his nose was somewhat pointed. As he sat down our eyes met for a quick instant. For some odd reason I feared him. He seemed so serious. Our eyes were connected for what seemed like an eternity. He had grey stormy eyes. His eyes were none like I had ever seen and they struck a feeling in me which I could not identify. Though I never show it off I always felt that I was able to identify anything. Still this was a feeling I didn't know of. I felt anger, fear, joy and many more all together at the same time. Though I couldn't identify it at the moment I tried to keep it out of my mind. I wasn't going to ponder over something that I found unanswerable.

The hat shouted, "Slytherin!" before it was even completely placed on Draco's head. Draco quickly gave a smirk and stood up and walked towards the Slytherin table. As he walked away the thought that I had been pondering on went away with him.

What were his eyes making me think, making me feel? That question would never be answered until my senior year at Hogwarts. That is when the story begins…


	2. So Far

_Author's note: ok the story is based on the 6th book. And as I said before I am not the most original person in the world and sometimes what I tend to do is put a bunch of stories and TV shows together. In this fanfic I believe that I'll have a little bit of teen titans and fullmetal alchemist mixed with this story. Only like the info from the shows and certain similarity between Lydia and Raven. Oh and I know that I made a like a ton of errors on my prologue so yeah I'll fix that in a little bit. Sorry about that folks!_

_**Alrighty well I changed the whole this being seventh year to sixth. Need to make this story go along with the sequel. If there is any questions please ask.**_

**Chapter 1: So Far…**

I'm Lydia. I'm now 15 years old and I'm just about to enter my 6th year at Hogwarts. Over the years that I've been at Hogwarts, I've never really conversated with anyone. I've talked with the "golden trio" a few times. I even helped them take on the Death Eaters in our 5th year. I guess I considered them my friends along with Ginny Weasley.

I've always gotten good grades. Mine were even compared to Hermione Granger's grades. Yet I didn't care. I couldn't care. It was crucial for me to care about anything at all. I feared emotions. I feared feeling them. Still I'll save that for another time. When my 6th year was just about to start I got my letter for school supplies, but along with that, I got another letter. Like usual I didn't care until I opened it and was shocked to discover that, I was Head Girl!

Why, oh why did it have to be me? I was not a seeker of fame or popularity so I was appalled! Still I couldn't refuse it. Being granted the position of Head Girl was considered an honor. So like a good girl I accepted it. Kind of strange though. I was only a sixth year. Seventh years could only be Head boy or girl. When I read the whole letter I found out the reason I got the position was because of maturity and the fact that my grades were exceeding. To me it sounded like Hermione Granger deserved the position more than I did but maybe there was something else about me that got the position instead of her.

I lived alone in a small shabby apartment. I quickly looked at it and observed what I kept in my little home. I had plenty of books. Most were old textbooks from school containing spells and potions, and others were of novels filled with adventure, romance, tragedy, and fantasy. The one book I treasured most was my diary. Whenever I thought of the word "diary," I always thought of death. One of the reasons was because "diary" had "die" in it just without the "e" and the other reason was that whenever I wrote in it I wrote to kill off the feelings that I was not allowed to release through my mouth. I turned to see my large black piano. I loved music. I've always wanted to sing ever since I was a child. Actually, I was interested in various types of art. I loved to write lyrics, dance, draw and paint. Usually whenever I drew a picture, it was of my mother. I missed her so much. Most of the songs I had written were usually sad and were about her and me before she passed away. I'm sorry but that I shall save for later as well. Anyway, I walked around my home and saw all the dark and gloomy things that I kept there. I had masks, mirrors and almost everything was black. I mainly wore black because it was my color, and I was mourning for the deaths of all that have died when they weren't supposed to.

A few days later after I got my supplies, and got myself new robes, I decided that I should pack everything. I pulled out my wand and with a wave of my hand; I made everything in my apartment shrink and put it in my trunk. _(Author's note: ok incase u haven't seen the sword and the stone, Merlin did that with his furniture and stuff.)_ After I was packed, I took one last look at my home and took a deep breath. I left and when to King's Cross.

When I got on the train, I began to walk down the aisle to the Head's Compartment. As I walked by, I saw many familiar faces. I saw Ginny, Neville, Luna and Harry.

"Would you like to sit with us Lydia?" asked Harry.

"No thanks," I said in a very dull voice. "I'm Head Girl."

"Oh congratulations!" said Harry. "Do you know who the Head Boy is?"

"No, I completely forgot about that. Well I'm gonna go now. I'll see you later."

I completely forgot about the Head Boy. I thought that Harry would have been chosen as Head Boy but he was sitting with Neville and Luna. As I got closer to the Head's compartment, my curiosity began to grow. When I entered the compartment, I got my answer and I was shocked. The Head Boy was none other than Draco Malfoy!

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_Ok I hope this is a good chapter for you peoplez out there! Plz review no matter how bad some of you guys think it is!_


	3. Why Me?

_**I tried to fix this chapter a bit too.**_

**Chapter 2:**

God must be punishing me! He must or else he wouldn't have made DRACO MALFOY Head Boy! As soon as I opened the door, Draco sneered at me. Oh how I wanted to just rip that look off his face. How did _he_ get to be Head Boy?! He wasn't mature at all! It must have been his grades, which was pretty surprising because I never knew he had good grades. How on earth did he exceed the grades and maturity of a seventh year?!!!

"My God! How could Dumbledore have chosen a piece of filth like you for the position of HEAD GIRL!" said Draco who was just as surprised and as angry as I was. And like usual, I kept quiet. As much as I wanted to say something, I didn't. That was the usual routine. Draco would insult me and I would keep my mouth shut.

"And why do you have to wear those clothes! They look like they were picked right off the street!" insulted Draco.

His words always hurt me even when I couldn't admit to it. I've always heard people talking about me saying that I look like a bum. I always wore large black outfits that covered my entire body to where not an inch of my skin was being seen. My hair was Raven-black and it went to the center of my back. It was all matted together and it always looked like I had just woken up from bed. I had slightly pale skin and in the center of my forehead, I had a gem on my anja chakra. I never really cared what people said about my appearance but I felt almost everything that related to sadness and anger when Draco said something about me. I believe I feared him more than anything else. Once in our 1st year Draco shoved me and I fell down the stairs. I didn't break anything but I did get a few bruises. When I looked up I saw Draco laughing at me and then he just walked away. I couldn't do anything about it. I hated asking for help. I was so stubborn. I felt that if I told on him I'd be nothing but a tattletale. How stupid could I have been huh?

I sat down in the other seat across from Draco. When I glanced up, I noticed that his facial features seemed to have matured a bit. He still had his sleeked back silver-blonde hair and his stormy grey eyes that could still set feeling coursing through my whole body. I came out of my gaze when he broke the silence.

"What the Hell are _you_ looking at?" demanded Draco.

As soon as he spoke, I turned away and looked out the window.

Draco's POV

I was shocked to see Lydia here. I can't believe that I was going to be stuck living with her for a whole school year! My whole entire 7th year here was going to be wasted with _her_! Still there was a bright side to this. At least she wasn't like the "golden trio." Sure sometimes she'd hang around them but she didn't act like them. Unlike the muddblood, Weasley, and Potter, Lydia knew her place. She knew to keep her mouth shut and to give respect to her superiors. She feared me and I liked it. She should fear me. I rather disliked the way she looked. I could never see her face. Her hair always covered it. She looked like the living dead.

When we finally reached Hogworts and the feast was over Lydia and I were showed to our rooms. We walked up to a huge portrait of a beautiful woman with piercing sapphire-blue eyes.

"Password?" asked the woman of the portrait.

"Detinu," we both replied in unison. When we stepped through the portrait, we saw that the common room was huge with lavish seats and tables. It looked like the Blue Room from Iolani Palace. Everything was gorgeous. I loved being surrounded by rich furniture. It made me feel like I was back at home in my mansion.

Back to Lydia's POV

Our common room was beautiful. I had never seen such rich items all in one place before. When I was done admiring the room, I turned toward the stairway.

"I'm gonna go to bed. Please make sure there is no disturbances and don't go near my room," I said in my usual dull voice.

"Who'd want to go in your room? It's not like there is anything that someone would want from there anyway," said Draco who was now smirking.

I simply turned away and walked into my room. It was pretty plain. I had a huge room with a huge bed but I was not dazzled. I opened my trunk and summoned only the items that I wished to have in my room such as my mirrors, masks, and my bed comforter. Basically my usual dark items that I had in my room at my old apartment. I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I guess this year is going to be a little different," I whispered to myself. I had no idea just how different it was going to be.

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_Ok sooo how was it? Plz read and review!_


	4. Let It Out!

**Chapter 3:**

The past few days were like every other day last year. I'd go to my classes, listen to people talk about me, and be teased and humiliated by Draco. Earlier that day Hermione and Ginny came to me and asked if I wanted to go into Hogsmead with them on Saturday. I felt happy to be included with them so I accepted and went to my room. When I entered the common room, I noticed Draco wasn't in yet. I took advantage of my time by myself and opened my trunk. I brought out my paint and canvass. I began to paint a portrait of my mother. I wanted it to be of her when she was happy. I always believed she was most happy before she had me. I felt that I was a reminder of what happened to her in the past. She was a beautiful woman. She was beautiful and smart. She had stunning violet eyes, with wavy Raven-black hair. Her skin was also slightly pale like mine but she still had life within her showing that she had beauty unlike me. Though I was always told when I was little that I looked exactly like my mother I couldn't believe it. I couldn't take care of my appearance the way my mother took care of hers. She had a natural beauty beyond any comparison. I myself was always dazzled by her beauty.

When I finished her portrait, I went and put it in a huge frame and hung it on my bedroom wall. It wasn't like the other portraits in Hogwarts. The one I had just painted just stood still. I was able to preserve her beauty in a still picture. It didn't have to move. I could look at it and already see my mother standing right in front of me holding her arms out to me. When I was finished, hanging it up I went to the common room, started a fire in the fireplace and began to write in my diary. While I was just about finished writing, Draco came in.

"Get out of _my_ seat! Filthy little creature," said Draco.

Once again, I let his cruel words slide by. I got up and started to go to the stairs when Draco had to open his mouth again.

"Your family must be filthy as well. I'd hate to see what your ugly wretched whore of a mother looks like," said Draco.

Now that just crossed the line! After all that time of holding my emotions in, and meditating to keep them under control I let it all out! I turned around and slapped Draco right across his face! For the first time in years, I began to cry.

"HOW DARE YOU! YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER THAT WAY! NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY MOTHER THAT WAY! YOU AND YOUR PARENTS ARE SUCH SNOBS! YOUR NOSES ARE SO HIGH IN THE AIR THAT IF IT'D RAIN YOU WOULD ALL DROWN! I'M TIRED OF YOU BITCHING AT ME! I'M TIRED OF YOU MAKING FUN OF THE WAY I LOOK! AND I'M TIRED OF THAT FUCKING SMIRK YOU GIVE ME! IF I COULD, I WOULD RIP THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE AND BLAST IT DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT! YOUR SNOBBY FRIENDS, YOUR PARENTS AND YOU CAN KISS MY FUCKING ASS AND YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL!"

After saying what I had said, I stormed off to my room in tears.

Draco's POV

She slapped me! Lydia had slapped me! Then she told me off! What the fuck! That fucking bitch actually spoke back to me! I felt so angry that I could have broken everything in the room but something made me not as angry with her. What she did made me angry but I felt aroused! No one had ever done something like that to me accept for the muddblood but I hated her with all my might. But how could I have found Lydia exciting? She looked like a peasant! She was weird! With all these thoughts, I just stormed off to my room to sleep and hope that tomorrow would be better and everything would go back to normal.

Back to Lydia's POV

When went into my room I cried. I cried so much. It felt good releasing all of the kept feelings that I have had with me since childhood, but it wasn't good enough! I wanted to get back at Draco! I wanted to show everyone at this school what I was truly made of! I wanted to be reborn! I wanted to change! I was not happy with myself. So I took all of my dark outfits and began cutting a sewing them. They all looked brand new! Then I went to my trunk and pulled out a sword. It was my mother's sword. I looked into my mirrors, grabbed my hair with one hand, and cut it off with my mother's sword. All of my long hair fell to the floor. I brushed it all out and I actually noticed how straight my hair looked when I fixed it up. I gave a creepy smile to myself in the mirror and I couldn't wait until tomorrow. Lydia Fayth Avalon was going to show everyone that she was a new woman.

_Oh, Plz read and review! I've been working my ass off here!_


	5. Hot Child in the City!

**Chapter 4:**

Yes, I felt good about myself. I still had my black clothes but I had just fixed them up a bit. When I put my clothes on, I felt them touch my skin. I had never worn clothes that were tight before, still I felt great. I turned towards my large mirrors to look at myself and I liked what I saw. My black outfit made me look really slimming. I had a long-sleeved shirt with some pants and black stylish combat boots. After I was done brushing my hair and actually putting some makeup on, I went back to the mirror. I really liked the way I looked. I woke up late so that way I knew everyone was awake and would be able to see the new me. I was ready, and I left to go meet Hermione and Ginny.

Draco's POV

Today felt like any other day, except I still couldn't get over what Lydia had done to me! I also couldn't get over the fact that she spoke back to me! This was something that was not going to get out in public. What would people think if they found out that Draco Malfoy got slapped by weird and quiet little Lydia? I tried to push it out of my mind and then Blaise Zabini, my best friend, came running to me with a shocked look on his face.

"DRACO! Oh God! A girl was walking down the hall! I don't think I've ever seen her before! She was so freaking hot!!!" said Blaise.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Blaise simply pulled my hand and ran off.

"Look man, if you saw her for yourself you'll see what I mean!" said Blaise and we rushed around looking for her. We ran into Crabbe and Goyle who also seemed to be in awe.

"Hey which way did that girl go?!" asked Blaise.

"She went with the muddblood and the female Weasley into Hogsmead!" said Goyle.

Without hesitating, we rushed off to Hogsmead to go find this girl.

Lydia's POV

Just walking past everyone down the hall and seeing everyone's faces was priceless. The guys were in awe and the girls were jealous. I loved it. After all these years of holding feelings in and releasing it, was awesome! When I walked up to Hermione and Ginny, they didn't even recognize me! They gave me so many complements and said they loved the new me! For the first time in an extremely long time, I got a complement. When we went into Hogsmead, the older men were even staring at me. Sure, it was creepy but I was getting attention. I bet I could have snapped my fingers and they would come running to my feet and beg me, just to smile at them! Us girls actually had a good time. We walked around, went to look at clothes, which I had never done before, and then we started on our way back to the school. Right when we were leaving I felt as if someone was following us.

Draco's POV

After searching for hours, we decided to give up. We began walking when we saw her! She was with the muddblood and the Weasley. She was hot! She seemed a little dark but she seemed perfect. She had the right curves, the right hair, everything! We followed her all the way back to the school. I ended up ditching Blaise and continued to follow the girl. I eventually lost her and the other girls and just decided to give up. Man was she gorgeous. When I walked up to the portrait, I said the password, stepped through and there she was! When I saw her, I was shocked when I realized she was Lydia! The girl I had followed the whole time was Lydia! She had strait shoulder length hair, eyeliner and mascara on!

"What the Hell are you looking at?" she said with her hands on her hips.

"Nothing, oh nothing. I must say you look different." Man was she hot! Blaise was right! Still even though she had the looks, it didn't mean things would change.

"So what did you do? Spend the whole night giving yourself plastic surgery with your wand?" I said with a huge grin going across my face.

She simply turned to me and said, "If you think I'm going to stay quiet right now than just leave and go fuck yourself or something. You should try to learn to shut that jackass mouth of yours or I'll do it for you!" After saying that she walked off to her room.

What the Hell? She actually said that to me. As I watched her walk away, I knew for sure I felt a lust for her. I would have taken her right then and there but where's the fun in that? From the way she spoke to me, I could tell that she had some strength to fight back. I wanted her strength to be saved for me, but I wanted it to be stronger. I was going to anger, and seduce the new and improved Lydia Fayth Avalon. This was going to be fun…

_Oh my, what will happen next? Thanks to those who have reviewed this story! Plz keep them coming!_


	6. A Letter and No Satisfaction

**Chapter 5:**

It was now October 2nd. I've been a lot happier than I was before but something just isn't right. I think it is because of the way Draco has been acting towards me. In class and in the Great Hall, I noticed he's been staring at me constantly! Not only that, he hasn't really argued with me at all either! I wonder if he is finally starting to learn to keep his mouth shut, but I'm not satisfied! I know I'm starting to sound selfish, but it just isn't enough! It's not right! He acts like he likes the new me! What if that is it? Does he like the new me? If he finds me attractive in anyway I guess I could understand why. I'm not trying to be self-absorbed but who at the moment wouldn't find me attractive? I was smart, hot, and I was in good shape for someone who didn't play sports their whole entire life! Still I shouldn't let that get into my mind right now. I had to study for a Potions exam for Professor Slughorn. I went on my way to go meet Hermione in the Library.

Draco's POV

These past few weeks have been hilarious! Starring at Lydia in class and in the Great Hall! Every time she notices that I'm starring at her, she gives this wide-eyed shocked stare and turns away blushing! God it was funny, but at the same time, it was kinda cute. Yah I found it cute, she looked innocent. Though I loved power and strength in a woman, I also loved the innocence of one as well. After these thoughts left my mind, I thought about my mission. The mission the Dark Lord had bestowed upon me. I was grateful and excited. I began to think of all of the ways of how to succeed. How to succeed and how it would please the Dark Lord. Snape would no longer be his favorite. I would.

While I was sitting in my room, an owl flew up to my window. I noticed it was my mother's owl and it held a letter for me:

_Dear Draco,_

_My beloved son, how is your mission going? The Dark Lord is growing restless. We do not know of your plan as to how you are going to get rid of Dumbledore. At the beginning of this past summer, I asked Professor Snape to help you in this most desperate time. Please son, be safe, and please don't fail. I love and miss you._

_Love your mother, Narcissa_

I love my mother, but how could she do this to me? How could she have gotten help from Snape?! Did she not believe in me? Did she not believe that I could succeed? Why must she treat me like a child? I'm 17 years old! I'm able to take care of myself! Still I could not be angry with my own mother. She has been my provider since my father was sent to Azkaban. She was the one who took the beatings from my father whenever he was angry. She has stuck it out through almost everything and yet she still loved him. Every time we went out into public, she was able to pull it off that she was just like my father. Yes, she was of high class but she didn't always act the way my father wished she would. When he was taken to Azkaban, my mother and I felt like a weight had been taken off our shoulders. I loved my father too but he was one of the things in life that I feared the most. I feared getting exactly what he gave to my mother every time she upset him. I would like to believe he loved my mother, but the way he treated her when eyes were not upon them made me think otherwise.

Angered by all these thoughts that filled my mind I through the letter aside and looked out from my bedroom window. I only looked at the sky. I used to do it when I was little. I would play outside, run around, and just let myself fall onto the soft grass. I'd stare at the sky and just watch the clouds pass me by. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to that before all this drama began to happen between my parents. Still I couldn't. I had to think about now. I had a mission. I must kill Dumbledore. I must succeed. I must do it on my own! I was not going to get help from my teacher. He only agreed with my mother to help me so he could get all the glory for himself!

I heard a noise come from the common room and figured Lydia probably just came back. I decided to let the bad thoughts slide away and go have some fun. When I walked out to the common room, I saw her sitting in the chair by the fireplace writing in some book. I also noticed that a large black piano, which I had never seen before, was in the common room by the window. I had no idea how it got in here but I just let that slide by as well. The piano was playing by itself. She probably bewitched it into playing soft sweet music.

I walked up behind the chair as quietly as possible. I looked down at Lydia. She was still quiet, but only when she wanted to be.

"What are you doing?" I asked. She immediately jumped up out of her seat shocked. Right when she got out of her seat, I sat down in it.

"It's none of your business Ferret!" yelled Lydia. I always disliked it when I was called Ferret but I decided to make this a little fun.

"Well if you wanted to call me by my pet name you could have asked dear. If you are upset I can make you feel better," I said in a sweet talk voice.

"WHAT?!" said Lydia who was now blushing. "What the Hell are you talking about?"

Awe this was fun.

Lydia's POV

What the Hell! What the fuck was he talking about? PET NAME?! Why the Hell is he acting like this? Does he actually find me attractive or is he just messing with me?

"Look, whatever is going through that perverted mind of yours should just disappear right now! I don't know where you got the idea that I would ever want to be with you! After what you did to me since I started at this school! Hell no! You perverted bastard!"

"Well there's no need to get excited. If you are like that we can go to my bed now if you want."

Why the Hell was he saying this? I simply stared at him and turned towards my room. Still I wasn't going to let him have the last laugh.

"I would never lay in bed with you Malfoy! Besides, you would never be able to satisfy my needs. You don't have what it takes!"

After saying that I walked off into my room with a grin on my face.

Draco's POV

I don't have what it takes! ME?! The Slytherin Sex God! I'm the definition of SEX SYMBOL for Christ's sake! I've satisfied all the women I've been with and she says I wouldn't have what it takes! That I wouldn't have what it takes to satisfy her needs! As I watched her go off to her room I watched as her hips and her straight Raven-black hair swayed from side to side as she walked away. I must have her! She was something that everyone wanted right now! I wanted her but she refuses me! Only her refusing to be with me makes me want her even more, but according to her, I wouldn't satisfy her needs. What exactly were her needs? What was it that she wanted? I must know so that I may have her! I figured it was time that I go and find out why she doesn't let people enter her room, and what she secretly wants when no one is around.

_Ok I'm not so sure about this chapter being great. I had a really hard time with it so plz review and tell me what u guys thought._


	7. Diary and the Change

**Chapter 6**:

That stupid perverted asshole. The next day when I was in transfiguration it was actually hard for me to focus because of the whole thing that happened between Malfoy and me. I was starting to think that this whole new look was a bad idea. Still, even though I found it perverted when Malfoy talked to me that way and acted that way around me I found it exciting. I actually like the attention he was giving me. His matured features were starting to show a lot more than usual. I noticed that whenever he was smirking but not at me, I felt an attraction to him. To his lips. A feeling that I believe I've felt before but just couldn't remember. When Saturday came, I heard news that Katie Bell was in the Hospital Wing. I didn't hear much but I heard from Harry that she touched some object and rose into the air and started screaming! I didn't know Katie personally but I felt worried. With the war going on I grew suspicious. Why did Katie come to possess such an object and why wouldn't she say who gave it to her? Like usual I let it slide so that way I could focus on my next class which was Divination. I knew Professor Trelawney was a fraud but at my old home, I was blessed as the Seer to see things that no one else saw, but usually I saw death and the demons who wished to pull me into Hell. They wished to pull me into Hell for the things that I was destined to do. However, I came to this world to start new. I came here to show everyone that I was not evil…

Draco's POV

Damn. That Katie Bell was not supposed to touch that necklace! Uh I can't believe it! If only she hadn't touched it! Well I guess I can't do anything about it but come up with a better plan soon.

I decided that today would be the day that I go into Lydia's room and find some info on her. She wasn't there now so it was perfect. I stepped up to her door, and took a deep breath and walked through. Her room was dark and gloomy. Elegant, but dark. As I walked around, I saw tons of books on a huge bookshelf, which took up almost a whole entire wall. On another wall was a dresser and mirror. There were more mirrors around the room but they were almost larger than her queen-sized bed. The thing that covered up her walls the most was sketches of cities and of a woman with a young girl. The one picture that caught my attention the most was a huge framed portrait of a beautiful woman with wavy Raven-black hair and dancing violet eyes. She looked exactly like Lydia. They were an exact image of each other. When I looked at the portrait, I noticed that the woman was able to show so many emotions with just one smile. I could see happiness, sadness, and pain all in her face. After I was finished gazing at the portrait I went back to searching the room. I noticed that sitting under Lydia's pillow was a book. I picked it up and I discovered that I hit the Jackpot! Her diary.

I opened it and immediately began reading.

_October 1st, 1997_

_Dear Diary,_

_The insufferable ferret has been starring at me a lot lately. It's starting to freak me out. I don't believe I'm afraid of him anymore but I do believe I'm afraid of something. I see some type of fear when I look into his eyes. I see myself in them. I look at myself when I look into his eyes and when I see myself I see fear. But when I'm not focusing on fear, I am able to see the color in his eyes. I remember when I first looked into them when we were younger. Even now, he still has his stormy-grey eyes. I guess if there were anything that I liked about Draco, even if he does treat me horribly, it would be his eyes. I don't know what it is but when I look at them, I feel something. It was the same feeling I felt when I was a 1st year. I'm still unable to identify this feeling but whatever it is; I hope it leaves me alone. I shouldn't be feeling anything towards Draco. Why am I even thinking and writing about him right now? I shall right more later._

Oh, this was rich. She admired my eyes. So, even though she would never admit it, Lydia finds me slightly attractive. She even feels something for me and she doesn't even know what it is. Well duh! She likes me of course! She just can't admit it! I didn' feel that I had to read anymore but I turned to the front of the book to see when she first started writing. When I got to the first page, I began to read.

_August 19, 1987_

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been a few months since mother has passed on now. I miss her terribly. I can't stop thinking about her. I've been drawing a lot lately. I've been drawing pictures of my mother with her wavy hair. Sometimes I wish I could be as beautiful as her. Right before she left to the other world, she said it's not your fault. I didn't understand what she meant until the monks told me what had happened to her before she came to live with them. I am the result of a monster. A demon. My mother was raped by a demon. I am the daughter of demon! I am one of the reasons to why she had pain and suffering. She was raped and had to give birth to me. Yet she said it wasn't my fault? I caused her pain every time she looked at me because I was a reminder of my father. A reminder of a demon from hell. No wonder she was quiet whenever I would ask if I had a father. No wonder she would cry. Lately I've been wondering that if I were never born, maybe my mom would have been happier. Maybe she wouldn't have to look back on that horrible memory that would have to stick with her until she died._

After reading that, I felt my heart drop. Lydia, the result of a demon? And the whole thing with her mother. For once in an extremely long time, I felt pity. I could have cried at the moment, just from reading that. I couldn't bring myself to read anymore so I slowly slid the book under the pillow and took one last look of the beautiful woman in the portrait. I figured she was Lydia's mother from the way Lydia described her in her diary.

I went back to my room and lied down on the bed. I starred at the ceiling. How could someone live with the fact that his or her mother was raped and that person was the result of what happened? Lydia truly was a brave person. Even though I disliked them, she should have been a Gryffindor. Pitying Lydia made the way I felt for her change. I felt my lust slowly turn into something more.

_Ok I'm unsure about this chapter too so plz send some reviews!_


	8. Fallen

_I did not Lydia did not write any of these lyrics. Christina Aguilera did. The whole song is not here. It is called "Oh Mother."_

**Chapter 7:**

Ok, this is even weirder than before. Draco still stares at me in class but I don't see a lust in his eyes the way I used to. He seems to stare at me with sadness. Not only that, if we ever pass by and he bumps into me he apologizes and just walks away! What was going on? Was I being punked? Who knows? Maybe he was changing. Or maybe he was just acting that way so he could get me into his bed. As hard as it was to believe, I seriously hoped it was the first one. I don't think Draco is completely evil, but after all that he has done to me in the past it was kind of hard not to think he was evil. Plus his father was a Deatheater! Who's to say that Draco won't follow in his footsteps? What if he already is? Still, just because Lucius was a Deatheater, doesn't mean Draco has to follow in his footsteps.

Today was October 31st. It was Halloween night. It was also the anniversary of my birth. My birthday. I'm now 17 years old, but I do not celebrate my birthday. Today was the day my mother gave birth to a monster. What was to celebrate? Whenever it was my birthday, I thought of my mother. I was in my room at the time when I started writing a song. I wrote for the longest time and then I went to my black piano to go see how it sounded.

As I sat down, I felt peaceful. Playing the piano and singing was one of my methods to help clear my mind. I put my fingers on keys and began to play.

Draco's POV

I don't know what to think of Lydia anymore. At first, I saw her as a peasant, then a good shag, now I can't say what I see. The attraction for Lydia was still there but my pity for her was often in my head more than the image of her in my bed.

While I was in my room, I heard music. I figured it was the piano that Lydia had brought in the common room. The music being played was beautiful. I quietly opened my door and I saw Lydia's back facing me and she was playing the piano. All of a sudden, I heard her sing.

_She was so young with such innocent eyes_

_She always dreamt of a fairytale life_

_And all the things that your money can't buy_

_She thought daddy was a wonderful guy_

_Then suddenly things seemed to change_

_It was the moment she took on his name_

_He took his anger out on her face_

_She kept all of her pain locked away_

_Oh mother, we're stronger_

_From all the tears you have shed_

_Oh mother, don't look back_

_Cause he'll never hurt us again_

_So mother, I thank you_

_For all that you've done and still do_

_Together we always pull through_

_We always pull through_

_We always pull through_

_Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother_

Hearing her sing was like her telling me my life. The song of course was about her mother but I felt like she was singing about mine. In a way, I guess we were similar. Our fathers hurt both our mothers. After the thoughts left my mind, I tried to listen to the rest of her song.

_All of your life you have spent  
Burying hurt and regret  
But mama, he'll never touch us again _

For every time he tried to break you down  
Just remember who's still around  
It's over, and we're stronger  
And we'll never have to go back again

Oh mother, we're stronger  
From all of the tears you have shed  
Oh mother, don't look back  
Cause he'll never hurt us again

_So mother, I thank you  
For all that you've done and still do  
You got me, I got you,  
Together we always pull through  
We always pull through  
We always pull through _

I love you mom

I was about to cry. I couldn't help but think about my own mother and wonder how she was doing. I looked up to Lydia and I noticed that she already began to cry. I stepped out of my room and went to her.

Lydia's POV

I couldn't help myself. I had to cry. I had to let it out. All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw that it was Draco. He had a sympathetic look on his face. He bent down to where we were eye level and he began to wipe my tears away. All the bad memories and experiences that Draco and I shared together drifted away and I was happy. I felt happy that Draco was with me right now. He embraced me and slowly the sadness went away. I looked up at him and I realized how close we were.

Draco's POV

We were so close. I couldn't hold back from her anymore. I gently pressed my lips to hers. She seemed shocked at first but she slowly closed her eyes she began to drift off into a dream. She had such soft lips. I have kissed many women before but it never felt as good as she did when I kissed her. I suppose it was because with them I never felt anything for them. With Lydia, I felt my heart pounding. I felt all of my feelings at once.

Lydia's POV

He kissed me. It was my first kiss. I never thought he would be it. I still wasn't sure if this was a plot to get me to sleep with him but at that moment, I didn't care. My mind was completely cleared. Nothing was in my mind except Draco. When I opened my eyes, I stopped the kiss. I looked down and then back at Draco. I didn't know what to do so I slowly got up and just walked to my room. I went in, lay down on my bed, and began to drift off into sleep. Right before I fell asleep, I began to have impure thoughts about Draco. I began to wonder if Draco really did change.

Draco's POV

When Lydia left, I went back into my room. I couldn't take my mind off her. I couldn't stop thinking about her violet eyes, her smile, and the way she walked. I knew at that moment, that I had fallen for Lydia Fayth Avalon.

_Ok sooo how was it?! I must know! Plz review!_


	9. Have Fun and Start New

**Chapter 8**:

We've been avoiding each other. We haven't even so much as looked each other in the eye. Ever since we shared our first kiss, we haven't spoken or fought. He hasn't even given me one of his smart-ass comments. I don't know why we're avoiding each other. I don't really know what that kiss made me feel. I don't know how I could explain it but I do know that all of my bad memories and thoughts just disappeared. I felt at peace with myself when his lips touched mine. I felt weird.

It was now three days before Christmas and he still hasn't said anything to me. I don't want to say anything to him because I wouldn't know what to say. I'd probably freeze up or just run away, but why would I run away? I mean, he was the one who kissed me! So he should come and say something to me right? Still, I kissed him back. What was I to do? I actually felt like I didn't have any answers. I always had an answer to almost every question. I didn't know what to say anymore.

Draco's POV

We've been avoiding each other, but mostly it is I who's been avoiding her. I know it. She knows it. We both can see it. I've been avoiding her because I've come to realize that I was in love with Lydia. I wanted to tell her but I didn't know what to say. What could I say? People always say that it is easy. Just tell her! People, it's not that easy! I don't know what to say and I don't know what she will say. If I talk to her, she would probably bring up the kiss.

I wanted to talk to her but I didn't know how to be _nice_. I've always been smooth, and I knew exactly what to say to a woman. That's it! People also say be yourself so yeah I'll do that! Ok people I'll give you credit for that one!

Lydia's POV

"The Golden Trio," was gone for Christmas. Almost everyone was gone because they went to go spend the holidays with their families. I've never really spent the holidays with a family before. It must be nice to have one. We were all on break at school so I decided to go into Hogsmead for a while. I mostly just walked around through the snow and looked at the stores. I eventually decided to go and look at the "shrieking shack." I thought the place was creepy but people sometimes thought that I was creepy so who cares? Besides, I love the view.

When I got there, I just stood near the edge and looked off towards the shack. I was so focused on the shack that everything around me was completely out of my mind. All of a sudden, I heard someone from behind me speak.

"Like the view?"

I turned to see Malfoy standing a few feet behind me. He was starring at me with that smirk of his.

"As a matter of fact, I do. Got a problem with it?" I asked in a bossy tone.

"No, there's no problem," said Draco. "What are you doing out by yourself?"

"I felt like walking by myself. Besides, Harry and the rest of them are gone for the holidays."

"Come, we'll go get a drink or something," said Draco.

I was hesitant. He finally starts talking to me and I don't know what to say. I just began to walk with him back into Hogsmead. We went to Madam Puddifoot's Café. When Draco entered the café, I stopped.

"What's wrong?" asked Draco.

"Isn't this a place for couples?" I asked a little shaky.

Draco simply gave me a small smile and stuck his hand out to me.

"Well, we are just a couple of people aren't we?" said Draco.

I slowly reached my hand out to his, he grasped it and we entered the café.

When we were seated, and situated, we ordered our drinks. Draco ordered coffee while I ordered tea. We quietly waited for our drinks together. We sat quiet for the longest time and I decided that I should break the silence.

"About that night in October. I uh…" I hadn't really prepared what to say so I couldn't finish the sentence.

"Look, I guess I moved a little fast then but I thought it over and maybe I could take it a little slower with you," said Draco.

"What are you talking about? You act like we're dating?" I said a little shocked.

"Yeah you're right. We're not dating but I think if I ever want to go out with you someday, I should start acting a little nicer around you," said Draco.

"Look," I said and began to laugh a little while I spoke, "I appreciate the fact that you say that you're going to try and act a little nicer around me but its kind of hard to believe. I mean, what would your so called friends say?"

"They'd say you're hot," said Draco.

"I'm not going to respond to that remark."

"Ok let's just start over alright? I can't say that we can forget all that has been going on for awhile but it is getting somewhere to your good side right?" asked Draco. He once again stuck out his hand to shake mine. "I'm Draco Malfoy," he said, "Who are you?"

I was once again hesitant. I didn't know what to do so I gave into my gut and shook his hand.

"I'm Lydia Fayth Avalon," I replied.

"Good we're getting off to a good start," said Draco.

Our drinks finally came to us and I thought that I should start conversation.

"So, why aren't you at home for the holidays? Usually you go home this time of year."

Draco's POV

I stared into my drink for a while until I responded.

"My mother is at Azkaban visiting my father so my mother thought it best if I just stay here. What about you? Why don't you ever leave to go see your family for the holidays?"

I already knew why. I knew how she didn't have a family. I knew how she lived on her own but I wanted to see what she would say.

"I never met my father, and my mom passed away when I was little."

She actually told me. She told me the truth.

"How were you able to live on your own then?" I asked.

"Before she died, my mother left me her fortune but I only spent it on bills, my rent and food ever since I started at Hogwarts."

She certainly was an independent and responsible person.

"So you haven't spent a Christmas with a family?"

"No, I've never celebrated Christmas with a family. I've never had one, but I do wish to have one someday. I've always wanted to be a good mother just like mine, and have a child," said Lydia.

She just opened up to me. Lydia had just told me one of her wishes. She wants to be a mother and have a child someday. This was something I never expected from Lydia. She seemed even more innocent than before.

We talked for a little bit longer and then we headed back for the school.

"You said that you don't do anything for the holidays right?" I asked.

"Yeah, why do you keep asking?" asked Lydia.

"Ok then, you are going to come with me tomorrow night!" I said back at her.

Lydia's POV

"What! What do you mean? Go where tomorrow night?" I asked confused as Hell.

"Well, we're both stuck here so why not just go out somewhere on Christmas Eve and have some fun? Besides it is not a date," asked Draco.

"Not a date?" I asked.

"Yeah, we can just go hang out."

"I don't know."

"Come on! Live a little! Have some fun!" said Draco.

"Alright, I'll go."

Draco smiled at me and then said, "Make sure you wear something nice but not too formal alight?"

What? What did I just agree too? I guess I won't find out until tomorrow.

_Ok, pretty, pretty, pretty plz send some reviews!!! I really, truly need them!_


	10. Feeling

**Chapter 9:**

Today was Christmas Eve and I told Draco that I would go with him for the night. I don't know what to expect. I still question his motives. I'm not so sure, if he is still trying to get into my pants or if he really is changing. Well, even if I am unsure of what he thinks he is going to get out of this, I will go to wherever he plans to take me. It's better than doing nothing tonight.

I figured that I had clothes somewhere in my wardrobe that I could wear so I decided not to go out and get anything. Draco said not too formal so I began searching. It took me a few hours but I finally found the perfect outfit. It was a slimming black dress with spaghetti straps, it slightly flared at the end, and it went to my knees. It was elegant but not to formal.

I got in the shower and I began to think. Was it really the best thing to go with him? I hope I wasn't giving him the idea that I wanted to be with him! I mean, he's Draco Malfoy! He was the one who shoved me down the stairs! He was the one who made fun of the way I looked and insulted my own mother! How was I supposed to trust him? How could I? While I was in the shower, I felt relaxed by the warm droplets of water as it touched my skin. Even though my mind was filled with doubt, it was all washed away by the water and that happy memory of my first kiss came to my mind. I was at peace with myself when he kissed me. I was happy, and I felt free from all of my burdens.

**Draco's POV**

I got her a present. It was small but expensive. I had it nicely wrapped and sat it under the tree in the common room.

As I waited for Lydia in our common room, I began to get anxious. My feelings for her did not get in the way of my lust for her. I was craving for her to lie beneath me but would it ever come to that? Would she ever allow me to take her?

I heard footsteps on the stairs so I turned and was in complete awe. I had to admit I thought she was stunning. I felt as if I couldn't breath. Her hair was pinned up in a radiant bun. Some of her hair still fell on her face but most of it was pulled back. For once I could truly see her eyes. They were beautiful violet eyes. I had never seen any like them before. When I looked at her dress I noticed it was a nice slimming dress ended right above her knees. Ever since her little transformation at the beginning of the year I found her attractive but seeing her all dressed up and looking into her violet eyes was just like seeing a goddess walk down from the heavens.

"I hope I'm not too overdressed am I?" she asked in a very shy and quiet voice.

I was still too stunned to answer but I got my words out.

"Um, uh, you look great!" I said stuttering, "Shall we go?"

"Um, sure."

**Lydia's POV**

He seemed so handsome! Yes, I admitted that Draco Malfoy was handsome. He wore black dress pants and shoes. He had a white long sleeve button down shirt that was slightly unbuttoned at the top slightly showing his chest. His hair was his usual sleeked back hair but it didn't look like its usual greased up self. He cleaned up pretty well but I guess that is because of where he comes from. I mean a lot of rich people need to look nice right? They have their "image" and "reputation" to uphold.

He took my hand and apparated us both away. I found us both in a night club. The music was so loud it was hard for me to think! I saw so many people dancing like crazy.

"Come on! Let's go dance!" said Draco who was trying to be louder than the music.

"But I don't like to dance in public!" I said back to him also trying to overpower the music, but Draco had already took my hand and pulled me out to the dance floor.

**Draco's POV**

She was nervous. I could tell. I took her hand and brought her out to the dance floor. The DJ seemed to be playing a muggle song. It was some song called "Sexy Back" by a muggle known as Justin Timberlake.

It was really cute but annoying seeing her just stand still while everyone else including myself dancing. I decided that I would try to loosen her up a bit.

"Hey don't be so stiff!" I said in a stern voice. "Come on Dance!"

"I told you, I don't like to dance in public!"

"Well you're going to dance! That's the reason I brought you here!" I said getting a little aggravated.

**Lydia's POV**

I don't usually dance especially in public, but Draco was getting irritated. I know he invited me out and is trying to help me have a good time so I'll dance, just this once in public.

I eventually got into it and started to dance like I had an endless amount of energy. I felt alive! I felt happy and I was having fun!

The next thing I knew a slow song came on called "Butterflies" by Alicia Keys. All of a sudden Draco took my hand and brought me to him.

"We need to be closer," said Draco as he put his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him. I was shocked and scared to do anything so I just went with it. He slowly swayed me from side to side and held me close. I was starting to enjoy the dance and then he kissed me. Once again I felt that same contentment when he kissed me the first time.

He tried to make the kiss deeper but I pushed him away. He simply stared at me with confusion in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said and apparated myself out of the club and into my room where I locked myself for the rest of the night.

I was beginning to feel something for him. I was beginning to feel an attraction towards him and I just couldn't let myself believe it. He was the boy who ridiculed and laughed at me since our first year. He was my enemy! How is it that after all these years of not feeling my emotions that he can just kiss me and I feel every single one of them? Every single emotion in just one kiss that felt so good.

**Draco's POV**

When she left I felt dumbstruck. I truly didn't expect her to leave. When we were dancing I could feel her melting into me. I yearned for more of her and when I looked at her lips I couldn't restrain myself anymore. I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her like the first time but it wasn't enough. I wanted more of her so I tried to deepen the kiss but she backed away.

She feels something for me. I know it. She just can't admit to it. I myself don't want to believe the fact that I feel myself loving her. Still the love I have for her has not replaced my lust. I wish these feelings could disappear but she seems to have cast a spell on me.

I ended up just apparating myself back to my room and went to sleep.

_Author's note:_

_Sry it took so long everybody but I have skool and I've had a writer's block but here it is the 9th chapter! Plz read and reviewI had never known what cold omb holding it in place. _


	11. Why Turn Away?

**Chapter 10:**

I woke up the next morning. I realized that it was Christmas Day. I was still wearing my clothes from last night and I looked like a mess. I decided to take a quick shower and freshen myself up. While in the shower memories from the other night started to come to mind.

"Oh crap. I forgot I left him last night,"

I didn't want to run into him today but I knew it was unavoidable considering the fact that we live together.

I got out of the shower put my undergarments on and a robe. My hair was still wet when I decided to go into the common room. Under the tree I saw some presents. I walked towards it and I immediately noticed that a bunch of them were for Draco. I figured they were either from his mother or from a bunch of his fan girls. I grabbed all the presents that were to me which was only a few. I got some from Harry and Ginny and them. I even got a nice black sweater with a silver outline of a raven on the front from Mrs. Weasley. The one present that caught my eyes the most was a green box with a silver bow on top. I opened it and inside was a beautiful silver butterfly comb that I could use to hold back my hair.

I was shocked to have gotten such a gift. On a small card that came with the present said, "To: Lydia, Love: Draco." I was confused as to why he would get me such an extravagant gift!

I stood up and went to Draco's room. I opened his door and saw that he was still sleeping. I walked towards him, sat on his bed, leaned close enough to where I was hovering over him, and began to shake him.

"Draco! Draco, wake up!" I said.

"Uh, what?" said Draco who was looking at me with delight. "Did we have sex?" he asked in a drowsy tone.

Once again I was appalled and disgusted by him being his perverted self.

"Okay that just answered my question!" I said in a disgusted voice and I began to walk towards the door.

"What are you talking about?" asked Draco as he got out of bed. I couldn't help but take notice that he was shirtless and only wearing jean pants. His body was amazing I had to admit and it made me blush but still he was nothing but a horny bastard.

"What are you playing at? Why are you trying to be so nice to me? That's what I'm talking about!" I yelled. "If it is to just get in my pants you can forget it!"

"I told you before that I wanted to start over!" said Draco.

"Really or was that your plan? You'd be nice to me, I'd fall for you and you would get me to sleep with you? Was that your plan? To play with my emotions!"

He just stood there looking all serious. He stared at me while I was here feeling like I was about to scream my lungs out.

"I'll admit, when you got your little makeover I was going to try and seduce you but things changed."

"You haven't changed one bit!" I said and I began to walk for the door again but Draco grabbed my arm and flung me to the wall. He pulled out his wand, shut and locked the door. Before I could try and make a run for it he pinned me to the wall with his hands.

"Don't tell me I haven't changed! The one who hasn't changed at all is you! Sure you look different and you try to act different but you're still the quiet little girl who keeps everything bottled up!" yelled Draco.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"You know damn well what I mean! I know you feel something for me! Every time I've kissed you I know you feel it!" said Draco.

"I don't feel a damn thing!"

"Don't deny it! Whatever it is I know you are attracted to me!"

"Just shut up and let me go!"

"No! I'm not letting you go until you admit it! I won't release you until you let whatever it is in you out!"

"WHY WOULD YOU CARE?! You don't care about me!" I said and I started to feel tears running down my face. "Why should I express my feelings to you when you don't even care? It hurts to feel something strong for someone you've considered your enemy since you were 11 years old!

Without any hesitation Draco pressed his warm lips to Lydia's. Trying to put more force into it Lydia turned her face away. Her face was wet with tears and the robe she was wearing was slowly falling off her shoulders.

Draco moved slowly towards her ear.

"You say I don't care Lydia, but I do. Out of all the girls I've been with you are the only one to have made me want more of you. The only one to have made feel pain when you're not around. The only one to make me tremble when we kiss. I know you feel the same way. Why do you deny it?"

"Because I don't want to give in."

"Give into what?"

"My feelings."

"Why?"

We stood quiet for a few moments. I knew I knew the answer to this question but I blocked it out of my head so long it was hard to find it. That and the fact that I was afraid to answer him. I felt as if I was a child afraid to answer their parents.

"Because I'm afraid that you'll hurt me."

I could tell that Draco was feeling sympathy towards me. He put his hand to my face to wipe my tears away.

"I'm afraid of letting myself give in just to have you hurt me. I don't want to have to give in to my desires; wake up the next morning to find out that you never really cared. I don't want to make love to you."

"Then we won't," said Draco.

For that I turned my face to him. I was shocked that Draco Malfoy would say that so I decided to see if what he said was true.

"What? What did you say?"

"I said we won't make love. If this is a way to prove to you that I'm not in this for the sex than so be it," said Draco sounding serious.

"I know this sounds corny but I just want you to be with me. Nothing more."

I couldn't take my eyes off of his. For the first time I saw Draco not as a little boy but a grown man. I once again felt the same mysterious feeling that I felt when I first looked into his eyes when we were eleven.

"So," asked Draco, "what do you say?"

I waited a few more seconds and then kissed him. It was the first time I ever kissed a boy myself and truly enjoy it. After I broke the kiss Draco let go of my arms and backed up. I once again began walking towards the door until Draco spoke.

"So, what does this mean?" he asked.

I turned around and gave him a stern look.

"It means if you tell anyone about us I'm going to be pissed, got it?" I said and began to give him a smile.

He simply smiled back at me and said, "Got it."

"Oh, and thank you for the comb. It's beautiful," and I left the room.

* * *

_Sooo how was it? Another chapter that I'm unsure about. Plz read and review! And Merry Christmas to u peoplez out there!_


	12. One Step at a Time

**Chapter 11:**

So yeah we were now secretly dating but it didn't really feel like anything changed. We would sometimes not talk to each other, the only time I think we spent together is when we are patrolling the school and even then we don't talk. After the Holidays when Harry and them, came back things kind of went back to normal. Draco would annoy and bully everyone, they'd get pissed and I would watch. I kind of felt guilty dating someone who tries to bully your friends around but I can't help but feel this attraction towards him.

One day after doing my rounds patrolling the school I went back to my common room. I laid down on the couch with my head on the armchair. I felt like I could drift off to sleep until I felt someone kiss me on the lips! I opened my eyes to find Draco's lips pressed to mine. I immediately shot out of the couch and fell to the ground!

"Hehe, my, my you're the graceful one aren't you?" said Draco in a playful voice.

"What are you doing?" I asked sounding annoyed which I was.

"Trying to spend some time with you. We haven't done anything together since we started dating," said Draco.

"Well that is because this relationship is supposed to be a secret! What can we do? I've never dated a guy before till now!"

"Well since we aren't going to share that special intimacy time together and we can't really go out, how about we just talk?"

"Okay that's an idea."

We both sat in silence for about five minutes. He stared off into one direction while I stared off into the other.

"What do we talk about?" I finally said breaking the silence between us.

"Tell me about yourself I guess."

I didn't really want to talk about myself or my life. It would mean that I would have to tell him all about my mom and who my father was; still I guess if relationships are supposed t work we have to tell the truth.

"I come from a long line of wizards and witches. My bloodline actually traces back Rowena Ravenclaw! My mother was often compared to her. My mother was very smart. She was also very beautiful but she mostly focused on her studies."

"Sounds a lot like Granger, except for the part about her being beautiful," said Draco.

"Hey! Don't make fun of her! She's my friend!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever you say."

"Really Draco I'm being serious! Hermione, Harry and the rest of them have been my friends since first year!"

After saying that Draco became very quiet. He seemed a little disappointed to here me say that they have been my friends for such a long time.

"You know, Potter always had everything I could have wanted," said Draco in a very sad kind of voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"He was "The Boy Who Lived" or "The Chosen One" and I was "The Amazing Bouncing Ferret!"

I couldn't help but laugh at that. It was actually funny when he got turned into that ferret. After laughing for a minute or two, I looked up to see Draco giving me this pouty look.

"I'm sorry but that was funny! And besides all Harry got was a bunch of names! He didn't say that he wanted to become what he is today. Deep down I know what he really wants is for his parents to be alive and with him."

"You know what the other thing was that he had that I didn't?"

"What?" I asked.

"He had you as a friend."

I was in awe. I guess we got a little closer at that moment. I felt the feeling in me again.

"Do I really mean a lot to you?" I asked. "Do you really care about me?"

"Of course I do," he said to me.

I felt happy being here with Draco. I felt so peaceful. We were taking it one step at a time. I moved in closer to him and laid my head on his chest. He seemed stunned at first but then he wrapped his arms around me to hold me closer. As I laid on his chest I could hear his heartbeat. I felt it and the thing that was strange about it was that his heartbeat and mine were together. They were in unison together, as if they were one. I slowly drifted off to sleep not ever wanting this moment to end.

* * *

_Ok peoplez how was it? Hope u all liked it! Thank u 2 all of my readers and reviewers out there! Ur reviews r much appreciated! I'll update as soon as possible! Thank u and Happy Holidays!_


	13. Trust part 1

_I'm a little lost with the 6th book and I don't really feel like skimming through it so plz don't mind if I'm a little off._

**Chapter 12:**

I woke up the next day to find Lydia asleep on my chest. She was so peaceful when she was asleep. I slowly got up and tried not to disturb Lydia. When I got up and went to my room I saw my mother's owl sitting by the window holding a letter. I took the letter and began to read it.

_My dear son, Draco,_

_The Dark Lord is questioning whether you are going to complete this mission at all! I cannot bear to see you hurt. Please accept Professor Snape's help! I do not wish to lose my only son and I pray that you complete your mission as soon as possible. Please be safe!_

_Love your mother, Narcissa_

I had completely forgotten all about my mission! I have been putting so much attention into Lydia that I forgot about my mission that the Dark Lord had bestowed upon me. I had no plan! I had no idea what to do! I needed to get an idea and fast!

_Time passes by and it is now February…_

The trio was sitting at the Gryffindor table eating along with Lydia.

"I'm telling you! He's up to something!" said Harry.

"Harry we're not so sure! What if he's not up to anything at all?" said Hermione.

"Lydia will back me up right?" said Harry who turned to Lydia.

Lydia sat still in a daze. Harry waved his hand in front of her face but she remained still. This was the first time they had ever seen her distracted.

"Hey Lydia! Yoo-hoo!" said Harry.

"Huh? What? Sorry Harry I wasn't paying attention," said Lydia. She had been thinking about Draco almost the whole entire day.

"You, not paying attention?!" they all said in unison.

"Uh, yeah I've got a lot on my mind."

"Well as I was saying, I know Malfoy is up to something! Don't you agree Lydia?" said Harry.

"Actually I'm not so sure about that Harry."

"Come on Lydia! You live with the guy! Surely he must seem suspicious to you!" said Harry.

"Harry he hasn't really done anything out of the ordinary and if he did I would probably notice, alright?"

"Fine whatever, but what about that time on Ron's birthday! Remember the poisoned mead!" said Harry.

"Once again Harry we have no proof that Malfoy was the one who gave it to Slughorn!" said Hermione.

"Look I know he is up to something! I know he is a Deatheater!" said Harry.

"I don't know Harry," said Ron.

"Lydia why don't you check his arm! If you see that he has the Darkmark than that'll prove that he is a Deatheater!" said Harry.

"Harry I'm sorry but I'm not going to be apart of that. Look I need to go alright. I'll see you guys later," said Lydia as she got up from her seat and went on her daily patrolling of the school grounds.

"She's been acting a little weird lately don't you think?" asked Ron.

"Yeah she has. You don't think Malfoy has her under the Imperius Curse do you?" asked Harry.

"No, Malfoy wouldn't be able put Lydia under the Imperius Curse. She's to strong for that," said Hermione.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron.

"I'm not saying she is evil or anything like that but when it comes to the dark arts she seems very experienced in it. When we study together she knows how to avoid being cursed and she seems to be able to sense if something is dark. I think she is at a level beyond any of the teachers here at this school!" said Hermione.

"Is that possible, to sense darkness?" asked Ron.

"I don't know but I guess it's like getting a feeling if something doesn't feel right if you're in a certain area that looks creepy," said Hermione.

"Well, do you think she senses any darkness coming from Malfoy?" asked Harry.

"She says that he hasn't been up to anything from what she can see so I'll believe her," said Hermione.

"Still what do you guys think is going on with her?" asked Ron.

"She's in love!" said Ginny who came out of nowhere.

"Lydia can't be in love!" said Harry. "I mean you don't think _she_ would have time for a boyfriend do you?"

"Who says she doesn't?" said Ginny.

"I think you're right," said Hermione. "She does seem all lovey-dovey!"

_Lydia's POV_

They suspect him? He doesn't seem to be up to anything from what I see. Still I never really did get a good chance to look at his arm. I've never seen a Darkmark at all. What if I just never paid attention to look? What if he really does have the Darkmark? I starting to doubt him, but what if he does? Maybe he really is a Deatheater! I must find out!

I didn't see Draco till later on in the afternoon back at our common room. I was sitting down waiting for him when he came in and hugged me from behind.

"Hey, how was your day?" he asked.

I thought I'd be able to ask him but this seems a little tougher than I thought. I was quiet for a few moments till he broke the silence.

"Hey is there something wrong?" he asked.

"Uh…I was…um wondering…if…if you have the Darkmark?" I asked.

There I said it and he was quiet. I was afraid to face him. I was such a coward!

"Why do you ask that?"

"I…just wanted…to know," I said.

"You don't trust me?" he asked in a stern voice.

"I'm sorry it's just," I couldn't think of a reason so I just blurted something out.

"It's just that your father was a Deatheater!" I said.

"So just because my father was one makes me a Deatheater as well huh?" he said.

"I'm sorry I was just curious!" I said.

"Well since you don't trust me, here!" he said as he pulled up his sleeve to show me his arm. No Mark! He had no Mark!

"Since you know the truth I'll be leaving now!" yelled Draco and he left without saying another word.

I felt like crap. He was telling the truth and look what I did. Now he's pissed off with me because I didn't trust him. I'm such an idiot!

"Damn!" I yelled and started to cry. I slowly went to my room. I cried for the first time in a while but this time just releasing my feelings wasn't enough. I wanted more.

_Draco's POV_

I went to a boy's bathroom to go think and I took a look at myself in the mirror. Damn it I can't believe she asked me that! Still I lied to her. I wouldn't receive the Mark till I completed my mission. I may not carry the Darkmark but I'm just as much a Deatheater as my father.

"Look at me," I said to myself. "I even look like one."

I saw my reflection in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. I saw not my own face but my father's.

* * *

_Ok everyone how was it? If you like it plz review and tell me what you thought. Oh and just to forewarn you guys I'm thinking about changing the rating from **T** to **M** because the next chapter will have sex. If I do change the rating and do the sex scene don't mind if it sounds like crap because I've never written something like that before. Thank you all!_


	14. Trust part 2

_Ok everyone, I plan on having a sex scene in the chapter so I just wanted to tell ya. That and the fact that this is the 1st sex scene I've ever done so plz don't hate! i decided to change the rating because even if the sex scene isn't as detailed as some that i've read before i don't want to get in trouble._

**Chapter 13:**

_It is now ten at night..._

I didn't trust him. I didn't trust him and now he's pissed off with me. I doubted him. He is innocent. He really isn't a Deatheater. I know the truth but what shall I do now? I never worried about something like this before. Again that same feeling came to me. This feeling has been torturing me for sometime now. I feel it everyday when I'm with Draco but now I was feeling it when he isn't even near me.

Could this be a feeling that I have long forgotten? I remember my mother once mentioned the word before. She said she once had strong feelings for the man known as Sirius Black, Harry's godfather. She said she still felt this feeling for him even though she had to give him up.

The name started to come to me. I've heard this word plenty times but I never cared for it. I guess it was because I didn't feel this feeling till I saw Draco. The feeling that I've felt for Draco since the first moment I saw him was love. That feeling I felt every time I looked into his eyes was love. I had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy.

"I'm in love with him," I silently said to myself.

I finally realized it. Actually, I think I always knew I loved him. Me, being so stubborn just didn't want to admit to it. Finally admitting to it released something inside of me that made me want to rejoice! I wanted his love! I wanted to be with him! I wanted him, body, mind, and soul.

I heard a door close and I figured Draco must be back. I looked towards my closed door and then at the floor. After that I stood up and went to his door and knocked. My heart was pounding and I was nervous with what I was about to do but I had decided. He may not believe me because of what I had asked him earlier but I wanted to show Draco that I love him. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry.

When the door finally opened I looked up into his stormy grey eyes. He had a shocked face but that quickly changed to a stern one.

_Draco's POV_

"What do you want?" I asked.

I had no right to answer her that way considering the fact that I'm lying to her.

"Um…I just wanted to say…I'm sorry about earlier. It's just…that these little incidents that have been happening this year like with Katie Bell and Ron. Harry keeps talking about them and pinning everything on you," said Lydia who was now looking at the floor.

Figures, Potter has to be so suspicious of me. Damn him! No wonder Lydia was asking me that question earlier.

"It's alright."

"No it's not alright! I didn't trust you especially when having these kinds of relationships is all about trust. Plus, it isn't any of my business and I shouldn't ask those kinds of questions," said Lydia. "That's all I wanted to say."

"Look everything is fine," I said and I began to walk back into my room but I felt her hand tug on the sleeve of my shirt. I turned to look back and her eyes finally met mine.

"And I also just wanted to say that I love you."

_Lydia's POV_

I said it. I told him that I loved him.

"What?!" he asked.

He was staring at me with those eyes of his. I looked into them and they instantly connected like they did when we were first years.

"I love you," I said again.

He was shocked so I began to back up.

"I see you're upset so I'll just get going now."

Before I could walk away Draco grabbed my arm and pulled me into his room. He shut the door, turned towards me and began to kiss me passionately. I was lost for a moment or two in my own fantasies till I felt him begin to try and remove my shirt. I stopped the kiss and looked at him.

"Sorry," he said panting. "It's hard for me to control myself. I'll stop."

He began to pull his hands away but I pulled them back. He turned and gave me this bewildered look.

"Go on," I said.

"I thought you said I didn't have what I takes to satisfy your needs," he said half laughing.

"Well I never gave you a chance," I said trying to sound seductive.

Without hesitation he picked me up and led me to his bed. He gently laid me down and began to leave a trail of soft wet kiss down my neck. Since I was a virgin I really had no idea of what I was doing, so Draco slowly began to remove both our clothes. Me, being embarrassed of my naked body tried to cover myself up with the blankets. He removed the blanket, took hold of my wrists, and smiled down at my face.

"Don't hide from me," he said in a husky voice. "I need to treasure every moment looking at you like this."

He began to kiss my chest and went lower till he reached my abdomen. I began to moan with pleasure and I kept hoping he would just get on with it. He was torturing me just letting me lay there yearning for him.

I opened to him like a flower to the sun. I could tell he felt my unspoken invitation because he began to fit himself to me in love's perfect union. When he breached my innocence I began to give out a slight cry. I held him with all my might. He began to move within me. He was careful to be gentle, caressing me and kissing me until I myself, too, was caught up in the perfection of what was happening between us.

Later, in the aftermath, we lay in silence. He had collapsed on me and then rolled on my side. I gave it to him. I gave him the one thing that I truly believe made me pure in this world. He began to pull me towards him and he held me tight. I fell asleep in his arms to the beat of is heart. Once again they were both in unison and I felt safe to just lay there with him.

_Draco's POV_

We made love. She wasn't my first but it felt like she was. I've had sex with plenty of girls before but this was the only one that mattered. As I held her in my arms I felt warm. She had already fallen asleep but I decided to say it anyway.

"I love you too," I whispered into her ear and I fell asleep not ever wanting to leave her side.

* * *

_Ok so how was it? I hope it was alright. Plz don't hate! This was my first sex scene!_


	15. I Can't

**Chapter 14:**

I woke up to find myself still in Draco's arms. I turned to face him and he was staring at me. I immediately pulled the covers up to hide my face.

He laughed then pulled the covers down from my face.

"Why do you keep hiding?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Well don't," he said as he began to pull himself on top of me. "Remember I need to treasure every moment."

I gave him my virginity last night. I gave it to him but I still felt like a little girl when he would hover over me.

"I better get up," I said.

Before I could get up out of the bed he pulled me back and smiled.

"I want you, again," he said.

_After that Lydia leaves and goes to breakfast…_

"She seems to be off in a daze," said Ginny.

"She's been like this for awhile now," said Hermione.

"I wonder what's up?" asked Ron.

"I'm telling you, she's in love!" said Ginny. "That's the only explanation as to why she's been all lovey-dovey!"

"Are you sure? Maybe she's just sick," said Harry.

"Harry, are you that dense?" asked Hermione.

Lydia was actually smiling and she seemed to be in a good mood. Harry had decided to break that daze she was in when he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Huh? Yes Harry?" she said.

"Hey I just wanted to know if you got a good look at Draco's arm?" asked Harry.

After he asked that question Lydia's face changed to a completely dark look.

"Yes Harry, I saw his arm," said Lydia in a stern voice, "and there was nothing there."

"Are you sure? Maybe he was concealing it with a spell or-,"

"He doesn't have it!" yelled Lydia.

Everyone in the Great Hall was suddenly quiet. Right when she said that Draco had just stepped into the Great Hall.

She looked down to the floor and then back up at her friends.

"I'm…sorry Harry," said Lydia who was now trembling. She stood up and left the Great Hall. Draco silently followed after her.

"Hey what was that about?" asked Draco.

"I'm sorry for making a scene back there but Harry just won't get over the fact that you're not a Deatheater," said Lydia.

_Draco's POV_

He thinks I'm a Deatheater. I'm not one but here I am doing a Deatheater's job for the Dark Lord.

"Look I know Harry has his suspicions but I trust you. Sure I know you don't really like my friends and a lot of stuff has happened between us over the years but you're a good person, and I trust you!" she said embracing me.

I didn't know what else to do but embrace her back. The only thing I felt right there was guilt. She trusts me when I was really lying to her.

The reason to why I was late to breakfast this morning was because I received a letter. It wasn't from my mother but from the Dark Lord himself!

The letter stated that if I did not kill Dumbledore before the school year was out he would kill me and all those who meant dear to me! He would kill my family then me! What if he knew about Lydia? He would surely try to kill her as well! What was I going to do?! Lydia trusts me and here I am deceiving her.

_Later on that day…_

I needed to think. I went to a boy's bathroom and took the letter with me and read it over and over again. Confused with what I was going to do I started to cry.

The ghost that haunted the girl's bathroom known as "Moaning Myrtle," heard me crying and tried to comfort me.

"Don't," she said. "Please don't."

I only cried more and harder. I couldn't stop myself. I held the sink with both my hands and cried my eyes out. I didn't know what else I could do. The Dark Lord would find out about Lydia and kill her! He'd kill everyone that meant most to me.

I thought I would be able to complete this mission. I thought I would be able to kill Dumbledore. I thought I was a killer, but I'm not. I don't have what it takes to do any of that anymore! All because I fell in love! I fell in love with someone whom I used to think was nothing but a peasant and a horrid creature but she wasn't any of those things at all. She was a strong, smart, and beautiful young woman. I may not know much about her but she seemed to have been through a lot more crap than me.

Here I was lying to her. What am I to do? If I don't do anything the Dark Lord will kill us all, and if I do kill Dumbledore I can no longer show my face in front of her. This guilt was really starting to kill me.

"Don't cry," said Moaning Myrtle. "Don't…tell me what's wrong…I can help you…"

"No one can help me," I said shaking. "I can't do it…I can't…It won't work…and unless I do it soon…he says he'll kill me…he'll kill everyone…even her…"

I looked up to a cracked mirror only to see the reflection of Harry Potter standing behind me!

A sudden rush of anger came to me and I began to curse him! I turned around and pulled out my wand and tried to hex him. He dodged it and sent a jinx at me. I blocked it and I decided I would use the Cruciatus Curse on him!

Before I could even finish the word "Crucio," Potter yelled "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

After that I blacked out. I kinda hoped that, even thought I was afraid of death, I would die right there.

* * *

_Ok here ya go, the next chapter. Since I kinda rushed through the story I'm going to be ending it soon. Only a few more chapters and I'll be done with this story._


	16. I Stand By You

**Chapter 15:**

When I heard about what happened to Draco I rushed to the Hospital Wing. I burst in to find Draco lying down with cuts and dried blood all over his face! The curse seemed somewhat familiar. I know I've learned about it somewhere but I just couldn't remember its name.

"Oh, Miss Avalon, what are you doing here?" asked Madam Pomfrey.

"I uh came to see the Head Boy. Is he going to be alright?" I asked.

"Yes he will be fine. He just needs to rest for a few hours so that way his wounds can heal."

"If you don't mind me asking, how did this happen to him?" I asked.

"I've been told it was some kind of fight with Mr. Potter."

"Yes and I'm going to see to it that Mr. Potter is punished," said a voice coming from behind me.

I turned to see Professor Snape standing behind me. I ran in so quick I didn't even see him.

"Miss Avalon, it is late. You should return to your room. Mr. Malfoy will return as soon as he's awake," said Snape.

He gave me this eerie feeling when he looked at me. I felt like something just wasn't right with the Professor. I've heard Harry and his suspicions about him plenty of times and I can tell he doesn't like Harry but I never really saw anything wrong with him. Now though, something just wasn't right. It was like he was looking strait through me and he new everything about me.

I began to walk away and I looked back at Snape who was giving me the same look he always gave Harry. I then turned to the sleeping Draco and left

After I left the Hospital Wing I began looking for Harry. I had to find out what happened to him. I had to find out what they were fighting about in the first place. I ended up running into Ron on the way there.

"Oh, hey Lydia."

"Where is Harry?" I demanded.

"I think he is in the Gryffindor common room," he said shaking a little.

"Take me to him."

He led me all the way to the Gryffindor common room and when I walked in I saw Harry sitting down on one of the sofas and I marched up to him.

"What happened?!" I demanded. "What happened between you and Draco?!"

"I…I cursed him," he said shaking.

"What made you curse him?!" I asked.

"I went looking for Malfoy so I used the Marauder's Map. I saw he was in a boys bathroom. When I got there I heard him crying. He was saying someone was going to kill him if he didn't do something soon!" said Harry.

What does he mean if he didn't do something soon?! Do what?! And who was going to kill him?

"He was saying someone was going to kill everyone and some girl. I don't know if he was talking about his mom or someone else."

"What started the fight between you guys?" I asked.

"Draco saw me and he tried to hex me! We fought and he was about to use the Cruciatus Curse on me!" said Harry. "He's up to something I know it! What happened today was proof!"

I couldn't believe my ears. I just couldn't believe what Harry was saying. Everything he was saying was proof but I didn't want to believe it.

"I'm sorry Harry, but I have to go."

"Lydia, wait! What's been up with you lately?" asked Harry.

"Look I can't talk right now. I need to go."

I left thinking only about Draco and the guilt I was feeling towards my friends. They've been my friends since first year and here I was leaving them for their enemy. Hearing what Harry said did tell me something was up but I don't want Draco to say that I don't trust him again. If what I'm doing is stupid I'll eventually see it in the end.

_Anyone's POV_

"What is up with her?" asked Harry.

"I'm telling you guys she's in love!" said Ginny who came out of nowhere.

"Yeah but with who?" asked Hermione.

"Well who does she usually hang around with besides us?" asked Ginny.

"Nobody really. The only other guy she has to be with is Malfoy," said Harry.

The whole room went into complete silence for about a minute then everybody's eyes opened wide to the shocking discovery.

"You don't think she's in love with Malfoy?!" asked Ron. "I mean she's hated him since first year!"

"Yeah but you noticed how weird she's been acting when it comes to talking about him!" said Hermione. "I mean she calls him by his first name when we talk about him now!"

"Look we don't know for sure but I guess all we can do is just wait and see what happens," said Ginny who turned towards Harry.

Harry looked towards her and smiled. In return she smiled back and when the boys said that they were going to bed Ginny grabbed Hermione by her arm and pulled her to the side.

"What's up?" asked Hermione.

"We're going to go and spy on Lydia, got it?" said Ginny.

"I thought you said we were just going to wait and see what happens."

"Yeah but I only said that to Harry and Ron so that way they wouldn't get involved with Lydia's business."

"Isn't that what you're suggesting we do?" said Hermione.

"Yeah but Lydia and us two are all like BFFs so we have rights," said Ginny in a playful voice.

"Alright, lets do it!"

_Lydia's POV_

When I made it back to my common room I saw Draco sitting down on the couch. All the cuts on his face was now healed and gone. Without thinking I immediately jumped on him and held him tight.

"Owe! What are you trying to do, squash me?!" yelled Draco.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied.

"I put my lips up to his ear and whispered, "I stand by you."

_Draco's POV_

What was I going to do? I don't want anyone of my family members to die and I most certainly do not want Lydia to be taken away from me. The only thing I can do is get rid of Dumbledore, but if I did that Lydia would never want to see my face again. Still at least she wouldn't be dead and neither would my mother. A question came to mind. Was I really willing to kill someone for the sake of someone else's life? I took one look at Lydia as she was laying on my chest. "Yes I can," I thought to myself.

* * *

_Ok everyone here ya go! Hope u like this chapter! And yes Lydia is too naïve but I still love the way she is turning out. Plz read and review!_


	17. Happiness

_Ok peoplez, this is where the Fullmetal Alchemist thing comes in so yeah just to let you know and once again, I own nothing! And yes I believe that I'm not that original._

**Chapter 16:**

I had everything planned out. I knew exactly what to do. I just had to wait for the right time for when we attack. I also had to inform the other Deatheaters of what the plan is. I can't fail this time. If I fail the Dark Lord will kill everyone that means most to me.

I've been planning all of this for weeks now. Now that I've finally got everything planned out I noticed that I haven't really spent any time with her. I went to her room and she wasn't in there. I ended up looking around the whole school but I couldn't find her. I ended up running into the Weaselette while looking for her.

"You haven't seen Lydia around have you?" I asked.

"I think I saw her out by the lake."

Right when I started to walk away she spoke again.

"Why do you need to see her anyway?" she asked with a slight smirk coming across her face.

"I uh, I have Head duties to discuss with her!" I said.

"Okay, whatever you say Malfoy," she said and walked off.

I quickly forgot about what just happened and rushed off to find Lydia.

_Anyone's POV_

Ginny quickly rushed to go find Hermione. When she did she pulled her off away from her studies.

"What's up, Ginny?" asked Hermione.

"Malfoy was asking where Lydia was!"

"And?" said Hermione.

"That's our cue!" said Ginny.

_Draco's POV_

When I reached the lake I saw Lydia sitting down with a sketch pad in her hands. I walked up behind her and locked her in a tight embrace.

"What're you doing?" she asked.

"Spending time with you. What're you drawing?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Let me see."

I took the sketch pad out of her hands and began flipping around through it. She tried to take it from me but I stood up and held it in the air.

"Give it back! Draco!" she said.

When I began looking through them I noticed that all the pictures in there were of me and her together either smiling or just hanging around.

"These are good," I said.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah, they're really cute," I said while looking into her eyes.

She blushed and went back to jumping up and down for her sketch book.

"Come on, please give it back."

I responded by pressing my lips to hers while still holding the book in the air. She was shocked at first but she responded back as well. I threw the book to the side and I collapsed on top of her. We didn't care that we were on the ground. We didn't care that we were getting dirty from lying on the ground. We didn't care about anything at all.

When we stopped for air I rolled off of her and held her hand while looking at the sky.

"I remember I used to do this when I was little," I said. "I used to lie on the ground and look at the sky."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah, it was nice and quiet. Back when I was still the innocent little child," I said in a dull voice thinking about my plan to kill Dumbledore.

"I remember when I was little I would just lie on the floor and shut my eyes wherever I was. I didn't care if I was on the dirt ground or anything! Mostly I would lie on the floor and just enjoy the silence," said Lydia.

"You like the silence?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's just more calming."

"What was your mother like?" I asked out of nowhere.

She was quiet and then she closed her eyes. She seemed like she had to take it in and then she would answer.

"My mom was basically the opposite of me. She was well known through out the whole school and had a good reputation."

"She doesn't sound that different from you," I said answering back.

"She was like that her whole life till she got expelled."

"Why was your mother expelled? She seems to have been a good girl by the way you describe her."

"She went against the laws of Alchemy and tried to revive her younger brother. It didn't work out and she had to give up something in return."

"What did she give up?"

"Her magic and the love of her life," she said in a sad voice. "Sometimes I wonder, if she never had to give anything up I wonder if I would have been brought into this world at all."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because if she was still with the love of her life then she probably wouldn't have gotten raped."

"Don't talk like you're a bad thing that came into this world," I said as I turned my head to face her. "Look I'm not saying that what happened to your mom was a good thing but if you never came into this world then I'd have never met you. So just feel good about yourself okay?"

"Thanks Draco."

We looked off to the sky and I never wanted this moment to end but I knew this could never last. Soon I would have to leave her. Soon she was going to realize the truth. I pulled myself up and I pulled her up as well. I embraced her and held her tight. I felt that if I let her go she was going to be gone forever.

"Hey, you're squeezing the life out of me here, Draco!" she said.

"I'm treasuring every moment."

_Not far off behind a bunch of trees and stuff…_

"Did you see that!" said Ginny.

"He's hugging her!" said Hermione.

They only just got there when Draco had pulled Lydia up off the ground. Then they saw him embrace her. When he finally released her he grabbed her hand and they both ran off towards the school.

"So, Lydia is in love with Malfoy!" said Hermione.

"But him, of all people!" said Ginny.

"You don't think he's pulling her leg or anything, do you?" asked Hermione.

"He didn't seem like it, and she seemed really happy being with him like that," said Ginny.

"Do you really think she loves him?" asked Hermione.

Ginny watched as, what seemed like to her, a happy couple walk off to the school. Looking at them and seeing the way they acted around each other made her think that maybe there was another side to Draco that wasn't as bad as she and everyone else thought.

"Yeah, I think she does."

"What should we do about Harry and Ron? Should we tell them about this?" asked Hermione.

"Nah, I think we should just keep quiet about the whole thing. I don't want to wreck something that makes Lydia happy."

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_Ok this chapter is up! Here ya go! Plz read and review!_


	18. Vision and the Truth

_Sry it took so long. I was having such a hard time with this chapter. My opinion this chapter pretty much sucks but oh well. Hope u all enjoy!_

**Chapter 17:**

Draco has been trying to spend a lot of time with me lately. I keep saying that I need to study because we have exams coming up, which we do! I really like the attention that I'm getting from him though. Before I used to say that I'm not the person who seeks attention but it feels good. I love the feeling of having someone who wants to be there with you almost all the time. We've made love so many times that I feel as if I'm drifting off into ecstasy. I've never been this happy before in my entire life.

After my mother died the monks came to me and told me that I would have to go through some difficult training. I would have to learn to not show emotion. The reason being was because even though my mother killed my father he still lived through me. If I showed emotions I would eventually feel anger or hate. Any feelings like those would release my darker side which was where my father resided. I showed no feeling for years but deep down I was miserable. My friends were a source of light but I still wandered back towards the darkness because of my misery. Now when Draco is with me, a lot more of me comes out. I'm able to feel so many emotions when I'm with him. I don't feel sadness or hate when I'm with him at all. I think at some points throughout my life here at Hogwarts I felt anger towards him and fear as well but I don't think it was true anger. I think it just wasn't as strong towards him. Now look at me. I realized that after all these years of his torment I was actually in love with him. I love someone who I thought was my enemy.

Still I feel like something isn't right. I love spending time with him but he keeps on saying that he's treasuring the moment. He sounds like he is going to be leaving. He talks like he is never going to see me again. What's up with him?

_Draco's POV_

Tonight is the night. I heard Dumbledore will be out tonight so I must act now. When I let the Deatheaters into the school Dumbledore will have to rush back but he seems to be extremely weak this year. It will be easier for me to kill him. I'm not looking forward to it but this is the only way Lydia and my mother can live.

Look at me. I'm disgusted with myself. I had goals. I was looking forward to becoming a true Deatheater. What was given to me was considered a great honor, and I was excited to have been given such an important task. Now look at me. I question myself about if this is what I really want. I question to whether if I am what I thought I was. I still have a dark side and I feel it come out every once in awhile. Right now I feel that if I had never fallen for Lydia then maybe I would still be my old self, but I can't blame her. Would I really want to go back to being something that was pretty much an ass to everyone else? Would I really want to live a life without Lydia? This was my choice and right now I'm choosing to save her with the only way I know is possible.

_Lydia's POV_

He came into my room while I was studying. He immediately came to me and kissed me. I was about to yell at him and say get out but when his lips silenced me before I could even speak I just decided to go with it. The way he kissed me seemed different from all the other times he kissed me before. It felt like he was yearning for this kiss. He put so much force into it that I felt overwhelmed.

He stopped the kiss and then looked at me with those stormy grey eyes of his. His eyes didn't seem right either. There was something in his eyes that was telling me that something wasn't right.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No nothing is wrong."

Well of course he was going to say that. There was obviously something up that he didn't want to talk to me about.

"Hey, you still have the butterfly comb that I gave you for Christmas right?" asked Draco.

"Yeah, it's right over here," I said as I walked over to my dresser and picked it up. I felt guilty because I had never once worn it.

"Put it on," he said. "I want to see what I looks like."

My hair was short so all I could really do with the comb was use it to pull back a little bit of my hair on the side like a hair pin. It held my hair in place on the side of my head and I turned to look at myself in the mirror. I felt Draco come up behind me and his arms wrapped around me my waist.

"You look nice without your hair in your face," said Draco. "I can see your eyes better."

I took a look at both of us in the mirror. I took a look at the comb and I felt something coming from it, like an aura. I went to touch it and I could feel it even stronger.

"I had it specially made for you. Promise me you'll always keep it," he whispered into my ear. He began to hold me tighter and he buried his face into my neck to inhale my scent.

"Yeah, of course i'll always keep it," I said sounding a little hesitant.

After I said that he released me and walked to the door. He looked back once at me and smiled.

"Leaving so soon?" I asked.

"I have some things I need to do."

After saying that he left. I was left alone and I still had that feeling that something was up, but I didn't want to not trust him again. I didn't want him to think that I didn't believe in him. Still no matter how much I want to believe everything is alright, deep down I knew it wasn't.

I took another look into the mirror and all of a sudden I saw nothing but darkness. I don't know what happened but I looked down at my hand and saw my wand in it. It was pointing at something. I looked up and it was pointing at Draco. He was looking at me with regret. His stormy grey eyes were filled with sadness. He turned to another direction and began to run. I all of a sudden felt a jolt and my eyes opened and the darkness was gone. I suppose I was sleeping because it was now dark outside and i was laying down on my bed.

What just happened? Was it a vision? Why was I pointing my wand at Draco and why did he run away? I felt really scared right now and I was worried about that vision. Draco said that he had some things that he needed to do so I went to go take a walk around for a bit. When I was walking down the halls Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Neville, and Luna came running up to me.

"Lydia! There you are!" said Hermione.

"We've been looking for you!" said Ginny. "Harry wanted us to give this to you!"

Ginny's hand reached out to mine and she gave me a small vile.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's the last of the Felix Felicis that Slughorn gave him at the beginning of the year," said Ron.

"He gave us all some of it and the rest is for you!" said Luna.

"Why, what's going on?" I asked.

"Harry has this feeling that something is going to happen tonight! He said he wanted us to be safe," said Hermione.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"He left a little while ago with Dumbledore," said Neville.

"What did he mean by something bad happening tonight?"

"We're not so sure ourselves but Harry seemed really worried," said Ginny. "Be sure to stay on your guard alright?"

"Yeah I will. Thanks you guys."

After what I said I ran off back to my common room. When I entered and ran straight up to Draco's bedroom. I opened up his door and he wasn't in there so I began to look around. I didn't want Draco to think that I didn't trust him but this was just too weird. He was hiding something from me and I wasn't going to deny it any longer. I looked on his dresser, and I went to look at his desk. Nothing. There was nothing. I looked everywhere and then when I looked under Draco's bed I found a small box. I opened it up and there was a bunch of letters inside.

I began to read them and I was shocked. They were from his mother saying that Draco had a mission! A mission to kill Dumbledore!

I dropped all the letters and fell to the ground. I started to cry. He was lying to me the whole time. He lied to me and I was foolish enough to believe him. Harry tried to warn me and I turned him away. I was a fool giving in to such foolish emotions. He probably never even loved me. He was probably just using me to get a good laugh out of it and probably to get information out of me.

I looked towards all the fallen papers on the floor and I began to think of all that has happened to me this year. I thought about all that has happened between me and Draco. I thought about the first time he kissed me and the first time we made love. I loved him and he betrayed me. I should have known something like this was going to happen, but my foolish feelings for him kept getting in the way. I turned away from what was there in front of me the whole time.

While I was still on the ground crying I felt a like something foul all of a sudden came into the school. I could feel darkness seeping into the school and it felt like it was never going to stop. I looked towards my hands and pushed myself up. Now was not the time to cry. I had to do something! Harry gave me some of the Felix Felicis potion for a reason so I should use it. I opened the small vile and drank it. After that I pulled my wand out and began to look for the Hermione and the rest of them. I needed to find them and tell them everything. I needed to help them, and if I run into Draco, may God have mercy on his soul, for I could feel the monster in me seeping through its prison.

_God I was having a freakin hard time with this chapter! I had no idea what to type! Plz read and review! Only a few more chapters and its done peoplez!_


	19. Let Him Go

**Chapter 18:**

I ran around the school looking for Ginny and the rest of them. I could feel the darkness even more and it was getting all over the school. When I finally found Ginny she was panting.

"Lydia! Oh there you are! It's the Deatheaters! They got into the school somehow!" said Ginny.

"We'll be alright. We just need to stick together and we'll be fine. Where are the others?"

"Here I'll take you to them!" said Ginny.

When we found them a bunch of Deatheaters ran towards us.

_Author's Note:_ _Ok I suck at fight scenes so I'll just skip over that._

We held off some of the Deatheaters for awhile but they weren't my main interest. I needed to find Dumbledore. I saw someone at the corner of my eye. I turned to see Draco running towards another hall. I looked at my friends who seemed to be doing alright and ran to go after Draco. I took another hall so that way I could cut him off.

When I found him I pulled my wand out and pointed it at him. He kept staring at me with those beautiful grey eyes of his. Looking at him brought tears to my eyes.

"Lydia I-

"Shut up! Don't say a damn word! I read the letters Draco. You've been lying to me this whole time."

"Wait just please-

"NO!" I said with my hand slowly going down but my wand was still pointing at him. "What was I to you?! Was I just a good fuck?! Was I just part of your plan?!"

He had a look of regret in his eyes and began to walk towards me. I quickly shot my wand back up to his face as more tears began to fall down.

"Don't you dare touch me!" I screamed. "I should just get rid of you. That or I should just turn you in," I said now looking at the ground. I lowered my wand completely this time while still staring at the ground and moved to the side.

"Go now," I said.

Draco was still staring at me with sad regretful eyes and tried to come to me again.

"I said go! Go now before I kill you!" I said, still looking at the ground.

He took one last look at me and ran. He didn't look back. I fell to the ground and realized that the dream I had earlier was showing me what was going to happen. I turned to see Harry running towards me.

"Why'd you let him get away?!" he screamed and then ran off after him.

I'm such a fool. I can't believe that after all that has happened I let him go. Looking back on everything that has happened between us I realized that it was because that I still loved him, and I don't think anything can change that. Not event my friends feelings and concerns towards him could change that. Still I have to let him go.

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_Oh God this is getting sooo freakin hard! i feel that the closer i get towards the end of this story the harder it is to write it. i mean personally this is starting to sound pretty crappy! oh well plz update and give info on how to improve for the SEQUEL!_


	20. Weakness and Being Loved

**Chapter 20:**

I felt horrible. I didn't move from that spot at all. Everything had begun to calm down, because the Deatheaters were gone. Hermione and Ginny ran to me asking if I was alright. They said Dumbledore had been murdered by Snape. I felt even more horrible than I did before. I felt like everything was my fault. I felt something was up with Draco, but I pushed it aside. All because I didn't want him to think that I didn't trust him. Now Dumbledore was dead. I could have prevented it. I could have done something. I felt that everything was my fault.

I broke out into more tears. All this guilt made me want to just drop dead. I was born a mistake anyway, right?

We went to the Hospital Wing to find Ron's brother, Bill practically torn up. Fleur was by his side along with the Weasleys. Harry gave me an angry glare and then walked up to me.

"Why did you let Malfoy get away?!" he screamed. "He let those bastards into the school! All of this was his fault! If you hadn't let him get away then we would have had him in custody and given him whatever punishment he deserved!"

"Harry, plea-" said Ginny.

"Why would you let him get away?!" yelled Harry.

"Because she loves him!" screamed Hermione.

Harry got all quiet and stared at Hermione for I'd say a good minute or two. Hermione looked to me with sad eyes.

"How? How do you-"

"Ginny and I saw you two together by the lake. We didn't want to say anything because we knew it would upset Harry and Ron."

Harry then looked back at me giving me a serious look. "Lydia, is that true? You are in love with Malfoy?" he asked.

I didn't want to talk so I simply nodded my head while looking at the floor.

"But him? Of all people, Lydia! All these years of him picking on you, insulting you!" said Harry.

"Look I can't really talk about it right now," I said and left. I went straight to my dorm and started packing my things. I didn't think I deserved to be here. I let my selfishness get in the way. I wanted to feel things and I wanted Draco to trust me and I brought disaster among Hogwarts. Feelings are for fools. What a fool I was.

_**Draco's POV…**_

I left. I felt like total and complete crap. I didn't want to hurt her. I would never want to hurt Lydia again but at least I could live with the fact that _she_ would live along with my mother. All of the Deatheaters and I continued running till we all met up together. They all glared at me and my aunt stepped forward, and struck my face.

"Fool! Why didn't you do it? Dumbledore was helpless! You could have easily killed him! Serverus, instead, did the job for you! What shame you have brought upon our family!"

"Bellatrix, leave him to me," said Snape as he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from all of the other Deatheaters. Once we were alone and far enough from listening ears he released me.

"Well?" I said.

"What can I say to you? I killed Dumbledore and now you will surely be punished by the Dark Lord."

I didn't know how else to respond. I seriously didn't know what else there was to say.

"I was actually surprised that you didn't take Dumbledore's life yourself. He was practically at your feet. It would have been simple. I was only supposed to kill him if you were unable to do it yourself. I'm sure you want to know why you couldn't complete the mission," he said while I still stared at the ground trying to breathe and take in everything that I had done tonight. "It was because of Miss Avalon wasn't it?"

That was when my concentration on the ground broke. The moment I heard her name I finally looked to Snape.

"What do you mean?"

"I see the way you look at her. I won't speak of her to the Dark Lord but its best you forget her now. In a way she has made you weak. Because of her, you've realized that you're not truly a killer. Not only that, you've also shown that you have more that one thing that makes you vulnerable."

"Look, Dumbledore is at least dead! The Dark Lord should be satisfied with that!"

"It doesn't matter Draco! Don't you understand! He wants things to go _his_ way! He wanted you to complete the mission so that if you did manage to kill Dumbledore that would have been a way to redeem your family name and makeup for your father's mistakes! And if you failed then it would be punishment for your father, because the Dark Lord would surely kill you and your mother! Either way would satisfy him!" said Snape.

"But Dumbledore is dead! Why won't he at least accept that?!"

"It doesn't matter! It was your mission, Draco, not mine! That is why he will punish you!"

"Punish me then. I just don't want my mother or Lydia hurt."

"He'll get to you whichever way will hurt you most."

With that he turned away and walked back off to the Deatheaters. I took one look back at the school thinking about Lydia. I don't know if I will ever see her again but if I do she'll probably hate me and turn me in or something. Still, I will make it my life's work, if I have to, to make her love me again. I promise now, to God, that I will do whatever I have to, to get her to forgive me.

_**Lydia's POV…**_

Today was Dumbledore's funeral. The whole school attended along with many political figures. I stayed in the back, away from everyone else. I didn't really want to see my friends at the moment. During the funeral people were speaking about Dumbledore and I noticed Harry sitting next to Ginny and Ron was holding Hermione as she cried. I myself began to cry. I guess in a way Draco had made me weak. I was never meant to cry or show my feelings and yet here I was once again showing the feelings he helped unlock. After the funeral I was about to leave but Harry stopped me.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Somewhere. Someplace where I won't cause any trouble for you or any other of my friends."

"Look, I understand that you're upset but it doesn't mean we want you to leave."

"There is no reason for me to stay here. I just really want to get away from it all. Away from here. If I'm gone, maybe I can start over. Maybe I can become what I once was before."

"Look, I'm not happy at all that you fell for Malfoy, but I don't want you to change. I like you this way. In a way he kinda helped you."

"How?" I asked.

"Well, you smile now. I don't believe I ever saw you smile before this year." Hearing him speak about me that way made me want to cry even more tears. "You were happier this year too. I guess he had some positive effect on you."

"But he only made me weak."

"It's not weakness to show some feeling," said Harry. "If you're going to leave than at least don't change the way you are now. At least be happy. Sometimes happiness is a light to lead out of the darkness. And we need whatever happiness is left in this world at a time like this."

"I'll try. Give my best to Hermione, Ron, and Ginny." And with that I turned off and left. I didn't take the train with the rest of the students. I was going to find my own way in the world again. Like I did the first time when I left Azarath.

I continued walking off into whatever, thinking about this year trying to really think if loving Draco was a good thing or not. I thought about it and I guess it was better to have loved than to have never have loved at all. I pulled out the butterfly comb and used it to pull back the hair out of my face. It helped me think of some happy times with Draco so I guess my life wasn't exactly filled with darkness. I don't know for sure if I love Draco now, or if I will ever see him again. All I know is that I fell in love with him the first moment I looked into his eyes during our sorting. I may not have known it then but I know now that I have at least loved. That was what his eyes made me feel. I felt loved.

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_**Author's note: there you go people. The last chapter. Took me a while but yah. Hope it was good. I am going to do a sequel so those people out there who didn't like the ending plz don't get too mad. I probably won't post it until the last HP book comes out and after i've read it but plz be patient for those who can't wait. I hope I wasn't just rambling on and on in this chapter. I'm actually kinda proud because this is the 1**__**st**__** story I've completed. Well thank you all who have reviewed! I really appreciate them. I hope the sequel will be even better than the 1**__**st**__** story! I luv you guys!**_

_**The Affectionate-Sinner :P**_


	21. Author's Note

**Author's note**: ok peoplez I really enjoyed writing this story but I feel that in order to do the sequel I have to make some changes to Stand Up, Speak Up, and Breathe. I just finished HP and the Deathly Hallows and I want my sequel to kinda be based off of that book and I don't see myself as the most creative person to come up with something completely new off the bat so I'm just goin to make those changes to the first fanfic. I might even try to make the chapters a little longer, and while I'm at it maybe even fix those little spelling errors that annoy me so much. Well I thank u all for reading and hopefully soon I'll try and start on the sequel! Remember to review! Fanfic authors love and need the criticism to make a story sound better and use it as ways to improve!


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